i. Incongruent parts in the story – there is a saying that actions speak louder than words. The clients have lots of stories and usually they are very emotional and looking forward to telling them over and over again. In order for the coach to be prepared for an effective feedback, the coach is listening for:
– Discrepancies between words and actions – for example, if the client says that they want something done, but they do absolutely nothing to move ahead, or when they say they are X kind of person, but their actions send out completely different messages.
– Differences between tone of voice and expressed emotions – for example, when the tone of voice is even but the emotions expressed are deep one reason for this could be that the client does not allow for those emotions to be expressed
– Gaps between attitudes and desires – the coach is listening for potential unhelpful attitudes that the client is not aware of that could be hindering the client’s movement forward into the direction he/ she wants
ii. What lies beneath the client’s story – this is something that the coach is really interested in hearing. This is most often something that the client is not aware of and the job of the coach is to pick up on those things and to hold the space for the client to have insights and become aware
– Underlined Automatic Commitments – as long as the client is in the grip of those belief systems, emotional patterns and automatic responses the forward movement is most likely going to be constantly sabotaged
– Judgements – those can be judgments about oneself or about others and they can hold true or could be not valid at all or any longer
– Archetypes – those are the client’s perspectives, life scripts, and roles in life. The coach’s role is to help the client become aware how well those archetypes are supporting him/her
– Desires – the coach is looking forward to finding whether the desires are prioritized or not, if there are conflicting desires, how realistic and achievable are those longings / goals and if they are in alignment with the core values or not
iii. The client’s demeanour – the real language that the client is using is through their behaviour – the words they use, the silence, the aha moments, the breathing. They are vital clues to the coach so that the coach knows where the client is at and can easily have a feedback. Also, the coach uses those clues to be able to speak the language of the client
– Modality – with regards to the words that the client uses the coach can have an idea of the modality of the client and adjust his/her modality to the one of the client
– The level of spiritual intelligence – whether the client is paying more attention to the intellectual, emotional or spiritual part of themselves. If there is a part of the client that is left out the coach can pay attention to that part by asking questions in alignment with the missing part. For example, if the client is telling that he/she is frustrated but all the time uses words like: think, consider etc, an appropriate question would be: How does this frustration feel like?
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