When staring as new business it is very common that for a very long time we do not accept that we are now different person who is playing a different role – the roles of a manager, executive, owner all at the same time. In not accepting our new roles we are basically rejecting in ourselves the new You that wants to emerge and eventually start sabotaging ourselves. We do this by millions of subtle and creative ways to slow ourselves down.
The protecting role of self-defeat
Sabotaging isn’t a bad this to happen to us. If we know that we are stopping ourselves to be successful in our new endeavor, we would probably not do it unless we have a good reason. What would that reason be? Pain. None of us likes to be disappointed, to feel like a failure or to show their insecurity and lack of confidence in the new field. So, what we subconsciously do, we start doing all sorts of things to delay our success, to turn things around in such a way that in the case where we actually really fail the hurt feelings will not be as devastating as they would otherwise be.
Just imagine if you do everything you can even the unimaginable to succeed in what you do and in the end – no results – failure. How would you feel? And now imagine how does it feel if you somehow in the bottom of your heart “knew it”, knew that this can happen. What is the difference between the two feelings? How you know it – by the myriads of small little things that “happen” to you and before they happen you trigger them.
The benefit of self-defeating
Defeating ourselves little by little makes the pain of loss / failure more durable. Of course if we only knew about this secret wish of ours (to prepare ourselves for failure by failing to invest 100% of ourselves in our business) we would absolutely fight with it until we dismiss it completely. But we don’t – it all happens in the subconscious mind.
Becoming aware of self sabotage
One way to look at being late, missing appointments, being unprepared for a meeting, not keeping promises, overwhelming ourselves with work, is to look at the behavior and pay attention as to why you do this and to the fear that is underneath. For example – by my being late and messy I communicate with the others that I have so many responsibilities and that they are all equally important that I can’t keep up with everything so they will need to feel honored by my presence. Furthermore- I throw out at others that because I have so many responsibilities, I don’t want to take responsibility for my own behavior, so – somebody else needs to do it for me. My fear underneath it all is that I am afraid of other people’s assumed negative reaction to my inexperience with the new business.
The cost of self-sabotage
How does your fear look like, feel like, and smell like? Once you describe it, it will become interestingly familiar and many other things in your life will suddenly make a lot of sense – like why your boss is not happy with you even if it’s in your nature to be just late, why you can’t accomplish all your things on time – while the pile on your desk is so big and disorganized that If you really need to look for something it will take you half an hour. By self-sabotaging, we astray others to us. WE could be the most beautiful and the nicest person on the planet but certain behaviors are a red flag to others and they politely stay away from us. The other negative outcome of self sabotaging is that by sabotaging ourselves we do not operate with full force and hence we do not receive the results we want on 100%.
We will learn how to recognize and deal with self-defeating thoughts and actions and much more at “Unstoppably you”.
About the Author
Tsvetanka Petrova – Sue, the Good Karma Coach, specializes in choosing who you want to BE and being in alignment with this feeling and knowledge so that you can attract easily and effortlessly your desires along your path that correspond with who you are.
She has a first-hand experience with overcoming impossible obstacles, surviving through all storms and attaining unimaginable financial and personal success for her age as a result.
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